Scatmania

The Axe Man Dan Story

With almost the lowest crime rate in the entire United Kingdom, Ceredigion's police officers frequently find themselves sufficiently bored to arrest people for walking on the grass, particularly when the students are out of town. Sometimes, though, they come accross a case that's a little more interesting, and they don't soon forget it.

Many years ago, during my second year at University, I was given a small decorative battle axe with a cruel-looking crescent-shaped head for my birthday. Pleased with this beautiful weapon, I took it back to University and hung it up in my Penbryn room. One night, bored and uninspired, a couple of friends and I decided it'd be funny to wander out to Pen Dinas and take some photos of each other chasing each other around while swinging the axe around our heads.

The trek out there and around the hill was uneventful, except for Rory taking a few crazy-looking pictures of me threatening traffic cones with my battle axe. It wasn't until the journey back that, presumably having been summoned for by some hidden onlooker (there aren't many of those at 2am, but one must have slipped through), a police car crawled accross the Ystwyth road bridge and slowed down to pass us. Realising my predicament, I tried to pretend that my weapon was a walking stick, but without success. The police car stopped and two officers got out and shouted over to us.

"Hey, you there," shouted one of the officers. Evidently my it's just a walking stick ruse hadn't fooled anybody. I walked accross the road to meet the policemen, and Rory took a couple of pictures which I'll put up on this page if I find where I put them.

"What do you think you're doing with this," began one of the police officers, as the other took my axe away from me, "Uhmm... offensive weapon."

"Taking it for a walk?" I responded.

They proceeded to have me empty my pockets and wrote down everything I was carrying. I happened to be wearing a jacket which had always had the peculiar ability to eat things placed into it's pockets only to regurgitate them at a later date. One of the officers listed what I produced as the other took notes:

"One battle axe... one wallet... one phone... one tampon... one light bulb... two D-cell batteries..." The list went on. My friends stood patiently at the other side of the road, laughing from time to time as more and more unusual objects were extracted from my pockets.

To be continued... check back soon...